There was one point in my life when 'more' mattered. I wanted more money, more experiences checked off a my list, more projects in the works, more outfits in my closets.... more, more, and more of more. I thought that more was better. In my youth, I struggled with food and believed the more fresh baked cookies I could pile on top of my emotions would mean the more comforted I would feel. In my teens, I turned to material goods and thought more expensive handbags would result in a heightened experience and a cooler, more confident self. In my college years, I thought more partying, more distraction, and the more pounds I could drop, would equate to more happiness. And recently in my twenties, I thought the more I could accomplish in my day to day, the more fulfilled and powerful I would find myself. I thought that if I could accomplish more that I could on some level be able to value myself more. I have always thought more was the way. Wow, was I wrong.
I am sitting alone in a lawn chair enjoying a glass of wine and one of my favorite books. I'm on a high after teaching a cooking class to a group of inspiring individuals. And it just hit me. I am done with doing more. More is not what my soul is yearning for. In fact, my heart wants less.
My soul wants less so I can accomplish the things I truly and authentically want to do on a higher level. I want to make an impact; to help people elevate the way they experience their lives. And the ways that I chose to do this, I want to do them well and not necessarily more often. I want less stuff around me and make room for the people and things in my life I truly love, relish, and find inspiring. I want less responsibility for taking care of stuff and open up space for what my soul yearns for. I want less filler and more real. More real passion and love and more in love. And to get this type of "more" living, I realize now that I have to do less. I want to do less, and do it well.
There is a quote by Elizabeth Gilbert that I came across recently, that really resonated:
I think doing more gets in the way of discovering our true gems. Doing more often means distraction from your true self and tapping in to how you want to authentically live. At least for myself, when I do more, its hard to listen to me; to my innate wisdom and authentic self. Its hard to be guided in the direction that I was meant for.
In today's world we go and we go and we go. We push hard. I see it all the time. I see it on the tired mom's face that is aching for a moment of peace. I see it in the anxious woman who is so uncomfortable in her body she just wants out. I see it in the people who just don’t seem to be able to look me in the eye. I see it in the arguing couple on the street corner. I see it in the frowns.
I know I am guilty. I tell my husband proudly most days of all I accomplished while he was away. And its usually a lot. And I'm normally exhausted by the evening and I find it hard to then enjoy my family, my husband, and my self-care to the max of my ability. But what if I were to simply do less? How about doing less, lowering expectations, and making space for more impact? How about feeling great and inspired and on fire around two things you have accomplished with all of your heart instead of the 90 to dos that could have, in reality, waited. This is the type of life I am dedicating myself to. One of more passion and beauty and presence. One where there is more space to see the opportunity, miracles, and love around me. Less of "more". Starting now, my intention is to be proud of how little I've accomplished, but with all of my heart and soul.